only 11:07 and i'm heading up to bed!!! sweet!!! in a better mood, i suppose. life kinda sucked today but tomorrow's another day. yay for bruce and shakira. bonne nuit.

i played like total merde at practice today. it was really depressing. it's the worst feeling in the world when you know you're playing terribly and you're trying to get out of the funk but that just makes you play worse b/c you're concentrating too hard. you can't think too much when you play volleyball. you can't think about all the careless mistakes you made on your math test. you can't think about how your dad's being a total @$$hole. you can't think about how you never have time to just sit and paint anymore, or sit and do anything - other than memorize polyatomic ion formulas - anymore. you can't think about how your grandmother's been in a coma for a week. you can't think about how badly the catcher in the rye sucks. you can't think about how freaking unhealthy it is that you've gotten a total of ten hours of sleep in the past three nights. you can't think about how your two really good friends now hate each other. you just can't. you just have to try to pass that damn ball. but it never goes where it's supposed to if you think too much about it.